*Today is my 11th wedding anniversary. Monday marked the 11th anniversary of my move to New Mexico. I can’t believe I’ve been here that long.
*I’ve had two dentist appointments this week and I have another one scheduled for next week. I had what a I thought was a toothache but turned out to be an infected ligament. I am on antibiotics and have to use special mouthwash. I have severe anxiety about going to the dentist so thankfully I have Valium to get me through these appointments.
*The weather is changing here. Monsoon season finally started and we’ve been having some nice storms. The evenings have been much, much cooler. It’s such a relief. July felt like a repeat of June, really hot with no rain, and it was becoming harder and harder to not be depressed with that kind of weather.
*I set a goal for myself to meditate 28 days this month. Even if it’s just five minutes. So far I’ve meditated ten days. I’m hoping I can make it to 28. I’m considering 28 days of vrksasana for September.
*My eye has recovered enough to be able to stitch a little here and there. I stitched something on Aida and had no problems. I’m now trying out some lambswool to see how that works out for me.
*All I want to eat lately is chips and salsa. I’ve had it for dinner the past two days. I’ve been too worn out to make anything else. Plus my mouthwash makes things that aren’t salty and spicy taste bad.
I had my second shot for my eye last Thursday. It was hard to tell on my end if the first shot was working. For the first three weeks after it my vision seemed a little better. Then the week before the shot things seemed to improve a lot. The first shot also stopped all the hemorrhaging. The doctor was very pleased by this. My vision still isn’t what it used to be but it’s getting better.
I’ve gathered from contextual clues from my doctor that stress and lack of sleep are not good for what is happening to my eye. I’ve been trying hard to cut down on stress in my life. It’s hard though. Thanks to genetics/anxious parenting my default setting is anxiety. So I decided that I would try to make July as laid back as possible. Prior to July I’d been exercising five days a week. But in July I let that go. It’s been so, so hot which makes it hard to exercise in the afternoons. Yet if I get up early to do it that means less sleep, which is also not good for my eye. Doing this made me realize that I’ve been exercising for the wrong reasons and that is something I want to get away from. Missing a workout should not be something that stresses me out. During July if I exercise, fine. If I don’t, it’s not a big deal.
Another thing I’m doing to reduce stress is not engaging with political discussions on Facebook. Not that I did this a lot before but I did sometimes. There are so many terrible things happening in the US and the world right now. I know there are people on FB who want me to post links and show support for things. So they know that I am on the same side as them. But I just can’t right. Many of my friends and relatives do not think that my political point of view is the right one. They are not live and let live types. They would want to argue and tell me how wrong I am. And let me tell you, all it would take is for one of those people to tell me ALLLIVESMATTER! and my rage would come out. I just can’t get that angry every day right now. I don’t know what it would do to my eye and I don’t want to find out.
Some things that have been saving my life lately:
*Heritage Store rosewater – I love this stuff so much. I especially like to spray some on at bed time.
*black walnut salve – After my shot I am not allowed to take a shower or do anything where water could splash in my eye and this time my sponge bath just didn’t cut it. Due to the heat I ended up with a rash. The black walnut salve got rid of it right away.
*Family Ties and Newhart – I’ve been watching a couple episodes of each every night Eric is at work. They are very soothing.
*YouTube – Something else I find soothing to watch are YouTube vloggers. I love day in the life type stuff. This is my favorite channel right now.
*cherry limeade from Sonic – having one every few weeks makes an extra hot day seem a little less horrible.
Current Books: Harbor by John Ajvide Lindqvist
Current Playlist: the Goth staton on Pandora
Current Drinks: water
Current Foods: strawberries, quesadillas, avocados
Current TV Shows: Newhart and Family Ties
Current Wishlist: a Midori spiral ring notebook, carne asada fries, yarn
Current Project: not currently working on anything thanks to my eye
Current Needs: more sleep, to experience temperatures well below 80°
Current Triumphs: cleaning the kitchen sick and countertops
Current Bane Of My Existence: the never ending heat, the lack of rain and my health insurance being a jerk about paying for my eye stuff
Current Blessings: it’s Friday, fans & the swamp cooler
Current Outfit: black shorts, turquoise top
Current Mood: cranky from the heat
I had my first shot in my eye on Monday. It went so much better than I was expecting. I was filled with anxiety before the appointment. Even though the procedure was explained to me I still had no clue what to expect. The man who prepped my eye for the procedure was extremely nice and definitely set my mind at ease. Although when it came time for the shot to happen he told me that I could hold his hand if I wanted. Which kind of made me freak out a little inside because it left me wondering how bad it was going to be. It was over really fast and thanks to some drops they deaden my eye, I didn’t feel a thing. It wasn’t until I received the after care instructions that it hit me that I had some potent medication injected into my eye.
I’m also kind of regretting saying anything about this to anyone but Eric. I know that soon, well meaning people will begin to ask me if my eye is getting better. (Don’t get me wrong though, I don’t feel like this about eveyone who would ask that question. Anyone who is reading this isn’t a person I’m dreading asking that question.) Which, it’s really hard to tell right now. At the appointment they told me that they hoped I’d see some improvment at my next appointment, which is a month away. I’m dreading people asking. It’s hard to explain the nuances of what I see and don’t see to anyone. I feel like my answers will be disappointing. I just want to yell “I don’t know yet!” like Cathy and Kathy do.
However, I did purposely never give my exact diagnosis or what medication is being used. I’ve found that in the past when I’ve revealed details like that there is always someone who has a story about it. A horror story. Or there is someone who will tell me what I am doing is wrong and I need to do x, y, or z. I seem to be Facebook friends with a lot of those types.
It is showing me though the people who take the time to leave a kind comment on Facebook or send a nice message on FB or send me some mail. Those people do that even though this doesn’t seem like a big deal. (It really isn’t compared to things other people go through but it’s a big deal to me. If I didn’t have this treatment I’d most likely lose sight in that eye.) I’m extremely grateful for those people.
This whole experience is so odd. If you saw me you’d see that I look just fine but it’s hard to work (the fatigue from looking at a monitor sets in around lunch time), it’s hard to do my daily art thing, it’s hard to find things I’ve dropped on the kitchen floor, if my eyes are tired it’s even hard to watch TV or read on my Kindle. I keep on doing my daily art even when it’s really hard to trace a line or paint inside the lines. It takes me a lot longer to answer emails or reply to people on Facebook. I really hope that by my birthday, in September, it won’t be hard to do these things again.
I’ve been having some eye trouble lately. Way back in February I broke my glasses. They were glasses I’d had for a long time. Meaning it had been a long time since I’d had an eye exam. I made an appointment and the day before it the office canceled on me. It was a pain to even get that appointment and I didn’t know the next time I’d be in ABQ so I didn’t make another one. A week later Eric hugged me and the glue job on my glasses fell apart. I couldn’t put off an appointment any longer. At that appointment the doctor saw some strange spots near my retina and referred me to an opthalmologist to get them checked out. The opthalmologist looked at them and determined that they were scarring from a parasite I’d come in contact with most likely as a child. The plan of action was to keep an eye on things and then come back in three months for another check. He also gave me some tests so I could check my vision. Because with what I have I guess things could go south rather quicly. I had my next check up in May and everything was the same. Then a few weeks later I started noticing that my vision was a little strange, straight lines didn’t look so straight anymore. Last week I had an appointment to check on this and the thing I was warned about was happening. Now I have to have three shots directly into my eye. The first is next Monday. I am extremely nervous about it.
The thing that is happening to my left eye makes it really hard to look at something that has a lot of straight lines. Which means that it’s really hard to cross stitch right now. On Sunday I gathered up all my cross stitch stuff that I’d been working on recently and put it away. I don’t know when I will be able to cross stitch again and I am depressed about it.
It’s hot here. Upper 90s/100s kind of hot. This weather is hard for me. It makes me feel tired/drained all the time. Nothing I do stops that feeling. I will be so happy when the monsoons show up and it’s a little less hot. It doesn’t help that there have been fires too. One in the montains to the west, one in AZ that we are supposedly seeing smoke from and one north of town.
I got stung by a scorpion on Friday night. The first time one has ever got me. It was the biggest one I’d ever seen in the house. I guess I got in it’s way walking through the dining room. I think that my calloused desert heels saved me from a lot of pain from the sting. I bet it would have hurt much more if it had gotten another part of my foot.
I’m going through one of those weird phases where I regret not changing my last name when I got married. It happens every so often. I know it wouldn’t actually change anything and it would be a huge pain in the ass to change it (I’d probably have to pay to have it done now) and then notify all the places that need to be. I always feel like it would give me a sense of belonging that I don’t get from my own family anymore.
When I bought my journals I was afraid that I wouldn’t use them every day. That I would set them up and then they’d languish on a shelf and I’d feel guilty that I bought them. Happily, that is not the case. Even though I didn’t buy them for planning I still use them every day.
I’ve changed my Midori a bit since I last posted about it.
I decided to not have the buttons on the front anymore as they were always falling off.
I’ve replaced some inserts as stopped using some for what I was using them before. I had no interest in tracking my food any longer so I bought a new insert to replace it. I use it to make notes about things I want to remember or things I have trouble remembering. Like when I last watered the plants or when I dyed my hair or washed my hair (I am a twice a week hair washer and it’s easy for me to forget the last time I did it).
The one insert that hasn’t changed is my backyard birding journal. I don’t always remember to write in it every day but I’m still doing it pretty consistently. Maybe one day I will actually learn all the different sparrows that visit the yard and I will be able to do more than write the word sparrow in my journal.
I’m still working my way through rereading my Trixie Belden books.
I also started keeping a list of all the washi tape I buy. I won’t have to wonder where I bought it in case I want to buy it again.
A few weeks ago I made a new insert. It’s kind of a daily mood tracker. I still haven’t shoehorned it in to the Midori yet.
This is my Hobonichi. It’s my art journal. It’s where I’m teaching myself how to draw and paint a little. It’s mostly doodles but that is fine with me. It’s what I like to do. Maybe one day I will want to do something else but I am content with this for now.
Previous list can be seen here.
∞Adding a new bird to my life list. This handsome phainopepla.
∞Avocados and strawberries and Twix.
∞The Duncan Kincaid & Gemma James series by Deborah Crombie.
∞The Raven King. I already want to read it again.
∞The Office and New Girl and Miss Fisher’s Mysteries.
∞The Animal Wisdom Tarot.
∞Rainy, gray days.
♦ Life has been full of allergies. The dreaded cedar pollen showed up in January and is still going strong. Thankfully I haven’t lost my voice this year as I have in the past but the itching is driving me nuts. I take Benadryl every night for it but sometimes it doesn’t work as well as other and I end up laying in bed cursing the people who brought those trees to this part of NM.
♦I always wait until tax day or very close to tax day to do my taxes. When I wasn’t an independent contractor and actually got a refund I would do my taxes as soon as I got my W-2. But now that I always have to pay I wait as long as I possibly can. And I dread it the entire time. I realize I could do away with that dread if I just did them early but it just doesn’t happen. I did them yesterday morning and then rewarded myself with a donut, a trip to the duck pond and a $.01 (+ $3.99 shipping of course) from Amazon.
♦A month or so ago I decided that 2016 would be the year I learned how to read tarot. I’ve had some tarot decks for quite awhile now and it’s generally been a pull a card consult little white book situation. I’m not going to go into why I want to do this but I will say that I don’t think I’m psychic or that the cards are some mystical/supernatural thing and I definitely don’t plan on reading the cards for anyone but me. I now follow a lot of tarot readers on YouTube and I have a long wishlist of decks. Over the weekend I discovered where you can have your own deck printed and now I want to make my own. Since I don’t have Photoshop anymore I’m thinking about making 78 tiny collages and scanning them. It will probably take me forever but I’d like to think the results will be worth it.
♦I am very, very excited about the release of The Raven King in a little over a week. I’ve been waiting a long time to read this book. I am a little afraid that my favorite character will die though.
♦I’ve been extra irritable lately. I know it has a lot to do with PMS/not eating enough/not getting enough sleep etc. I still don’t like it though. I also know that it has a lot to do with it being spring. Too much sunshine and warm weather makes my brain unhappy.
♦Things that help soothe away the irritability are The Bob Newhart Show, Neko Atsume, rainy days, sweet onion salad dressing and kitties who curl up next to me.